Right – so today kinda sucks. Really. And I feel like a whining failure who just can´t get it togheter. Like – suck it up and go on with my day/ life.
I guess both my day and my life is going on, I´m just not in the driver seat. So, while struggling with this day and staggering on the edge of some deep, dark hole – I´m trying to figure out what to do.
So far I´ve completed my christmas gift – the wonderful puzzle above. It´s been on the table for 2-3 weeks, and today I completed it.
Still, I have at least 8-9 more hours to go, before it´s ok to go back to bed.
What worked the last time I was in this situation? Hmmm, I don´t have a recipe… Well, there´s yoga, and running, and calling a friend. Knitting. Go for a walk. Writing. Take photos.
What´s shitty about today is that all these options sound great, and overwhelming, like I don´t know where to start, so I just don´t. Complete avoidance… Great.
So another day can pass me by without me living it. I am getting pretty good at existing. But I would like to live. Who´s holding me back? Why, you got it right – it´s me. My fears, my thoughts.
To change this, then – I have to admit to what´s going on, accept it, and keep repeating that this is how I tick – untill I realize that most of my fears are wrong or something. And that my thoughts are just thoughts. And they can change.
I´m rambling – but I´m fighting. I´m tired, but I´ll remind myself that it´s worth it.
I´m no better or worse than the next person. I can change how I think and live my life, one piece at a time. I AM doing that, it just takes a bit longer to complete than my christmas gift.
I kinda KNOW that mindfulness and yoga can help me here – the whole concept of «being in the moment» can release a lot of stress and worries. So if I can really allow myself to stop and breathe when shit hits the fan and things go dark… Perhaps I see that it´s not so bad, it´s only my thoughts that are stuck in familiar old patterns…
To end of on a bit more positive and optimistic note than I really feel right now, I´ll tap into yesterday´s happiness – I saw The Hobbit – The desaulation of Smaug yesterday with a friend, and I loved it. The scene with the barrels in the river completely cracked me up 🙂
And the spiders??? Holy crap, they gave me such a start I spilled my coffee. I´d forgotten I had it in my hand 🙂
And the wonderful song by Ed Sheeran – it goes on repeat these days. Link below:
Writing helps – that´s clear.
So, now I booked a yoga class. It starts in 2,5 hrs. That´s 150 minutes.